Desk
Bidding
Page
FORM 00-001 · REV. 12

We buy used toilet paper.

Buy it here. Use it. Sell every roll back to this office.

Bid posted now
1 mill
per used roll · Desk Bidding

Every Deed is paid in store credit, never cash.

Form 02-024Paper · 24 rolls

The 24

Twenty-four rolls. Carriage in the price.

$30Made to order

Do you really buy used toilet paper?Yes. Please refer to Form 28.

Program rulesEverything currently issued

How the Office buys it

Forms 26 · 28
  1. BuyA paid order of toilet paper registers its rolls to your Holdings and makes you an Operative.
  2. UseReport each roll that reaches the end of its service on Form 26.
  3. SellSign the Deed of Transfer. Title passes to the Office at the bid posted that moment, and a Case opens in your name.
  4. SettleThe Case settles in store credit, applied at your next checkout once it reaches $0.05.

Toilet paper bought on this website only. The Office sets the bid and may change it; a signed Deed always settles at the bid it was signed at. The Buyback Program is run by a private company and is not affiliated with any government.

Currently issued

9 articles

Everything this office issues today. Carriage is in every price shown.

Form 02-012Paper · 12 rolls

The 12

Twelve rolls. The smallest quantity Division 02 issues.

$19Made to order
Form 02-096Paper · 96 rolls

The 96

Ninety-six rolls. The division's full issue.

$60Made to order
Form 04-117Notice · 10×8

Restroom Compliance Placard

A notice to occupants of the premises.

$15Made to order
Form 05-061Linen

The Hand Towel

The household, on the inspection line.

$18Made to order
Form 01-339Document · 8×10

Certificate of Deposit

Your name, entered permanently.

$15Made to order
Form 01-118Garment

The Tube Tee

Field issue. Cleared for public wear.

$19Made to order
Form 01-339-EDocument · PDF

Certificate of Deposit (Instant)

The same document, in your inbox in a minute.

$6Made to order
Form 01-204Vessel

The Second Draft Mug

Tagged to a holder and a desk.

$13Made to order

The full catalog by division, including what is held pending specification.

Buyback Desk
Bidding
Current bid
1 mill per used roll
Operatives enrolled
0
Used rolls bought
0
Form 00-003

Everything this office issues.

The catalog lists each division, what it currently issues and what is held pending specification.

Open the catalog
01 Reclaimed Goods
4 issued
02 Actual Paper
3 issued
03 The Registry
Nothing issued
04 Corporate Records
1 issued
05 Household
1 issued
06 Provisions
Nothing issued

Dispatch undertaking

Form 00-014

Every article is made or packed against the order that asked for it. Nothing sits in a warehouse waiting to be picked, which is why the figures below are dispatch figures and not stock figures.

Damaged, wrong, or never arrived: replaced or refunded in full, uncapped. A change of mind is not refunded, and that is stated in the terms rather than at the point of asking.

Terms of the undertaking
Dispatched within3 business days
Delivery5–10 business days
CarriageIn the price shown
Fault of oursReplaced or refunded

Questions put to this office

Answered plainly
Standing answers
What if it arrives damaged, or not at all?Replaced or refunded in full, uncapped. A change of mind is not refunded.
Where do you deliver?Delivery to the United States. Carriage is in the price shown.
Is the price on the record the price charged?Yes. Nothing is added at checkout.
Do I send you anything?No. Title passes on the Deed; the Office does not take possession.