Toilet Paper: Aristotle's Guide to Wiping Your Butt

Salutations, my fellow humans. I am here to impart upon you the importance of proper toilet paper usage. This delicate yet crucial task has been overlooked for far too long. Let us delve into the depths of this matter.

The Proper Technique

The technique is simple yet requires precision. First, grab a sensible amount of toilet paper, not too much, not too little. Now, gently wrap it around your hand. Are you following? Good. Now, wipe from front to back with a delicate yet firm motion. Remember, we mustn't disturb the natural flow of things.

An Emotional Appeal

My fellow philosophers, I urge you to consider the feelings of your nether regions. Would you want them to be left feeling raw and unsatisfied? I think not. Show them the love and care they deserve by using toilet paper properly. Trust me, they will thank you.

Myth Busting

Now, let's address the elephant in the room. Some say that crumpling the toilet paper is the most efficient method. I cannot stress this enough, that is WRONG. It's like eating a sandwich without removing the crust. Disgusting. And don't even get me started on those who fold their toilet paper. Do they think they're origami masters? Ha!

In conclusion, my dear friends, let us join together and fight against improper toilet paper usage. Let us not allow our butts to suffer.